Wednesday, June 2, 2010
What would I make of MegaPiranha?
So, my friend Corbey has just emailed me out of the blue from whatever obscure corner of the map she's living in at the moment with the following advice:
I have a terrible horror movie recommendation for you. Although, I have to confess, I haven't actually watched the whole thing myself as I switched to another crap one after a few minutes. It's called "Mega Piranha" about genetically enhanced you-know-whats that grow exponentially and even leap out of the water to consume helicopters. How about that ?? And, if that's not enough of a grab for you, it even stars singing idol Tiffany as the scientist who created these wondrous creatures. Hard to resist, right ?
Needless to say, her guess is correct. Everything about this film spells greatness to me.
I love the adline: They were created to save mankind. Something went wrong. That's got to suck. Out of the goodness of her heart and with the very best of intentions, yesteryears pop princess Tiffany breeds some giant mutant piranhas to save mankind, and whaddayaknow? Something goes wrong. Bummer.
What did she create them to save mankind from? Other than the general lack of giant, mutant piranhas, of course. I know, I know - exactly: I'll have to see it to find out.
I've done a little research and discovered that the film is a kind of knowing, pastichey sort of a niche-market tv movie, the point of which is to celebrate the implausibilities of the scenario, the limitations of the effects budget and the trashiness of the concept. Not a parody, not some winking, sneering, Zucker Brothers-style hardy-har. Just honest to goodness monster mutant leaping piranha magic that doesn't take itself seriously, because it can't, given the circumstances.
I looked it up on the imdb and found the following review:
This movie is pure awesomeness! The Piranhas in this movie are the size of whales! They're jumping 1000ft into the air and eating helicopters! They're jumping into buildings and exploding! They can't be killed even with nuclear weapons! (...) I mean what's not to like? Rarely have I ever seen a movie of such quality. I was in pure awe of this awesome spectacle of a movie from beginning to end. How could someone create such an awesome movie? I just couldn't believe the greatness of this movie. It has to be seen to be believed.
I also read of something similar made by the same team, called Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus which has Debbie Gibson in it! Except she calls herself Deborah Gibson these days. Makes her seem classier, which is always handy when you take a role in a movie called Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus.
Now obviously, this sounds fantastic. Cheapness, trashiness and TVness bothers me not at all. I enjoyed the original Piranha - it had Barbara Steele in it, after all - but I enjoyed the pluralised tv remake with the dark-haired mare from Baywatch much, much more. I loved that Jaws rip-off Tobe Hooper did about a crocodile; Crocodile, I think he called it. I adore those Peter Benchley mini-series The Beast (giant squid) and Creature (hybridised part-human walking sharks). I even enjoyed Beneath Loch Ness. I would have enjoyed Beneath Loch Ness even if Lysette Anthony wasn't in it.
That's how ready I am to see MegaPiranha. I need to see those babies leap out of the sea and bring down copters. I need to see Tiffany as a government scientist.
So tell me, before I splash out on this (it doesn't seem to be cheap anywhere)... Have any of you lot seen it? Is it really everything it promises to be? Could it be, even, without knocking the earth out of orbit through sheer excellentness and superiorosity?
Seriously - I'm THIS close to the edge of wasting money on this thing. Pull me back or push me over... It's up to you...
POSTSCRIPT: This is the weirdest coincidence in the history of weird coincidences. I've just popped over to Totally Jinxed to get Jinx's view on the matter, expecting her to be particularly on board with the whole Tiffany thing, only to discover that she's just put up a review of a whole bunch of piranha movies she's been watching lately. And MegaPiranha is there. And this is what she has to say:
Starred Tiffany. That’s all I have to say about that.
I'm guessing that's a 'no' vote.