Okay.
So, my friend Corbey has just emailed me out of the blue from whatever obscure corner of the map she's living in at the moment with the following advice:
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I have a terrible horror movie recommendation for you. Although, I have to confess, I haven't actually watched the whole thing myself as I switched to another crap one after a few minutes. It's called "Mega Piranha" about genetically enhanced you-know-whats that grow exponentially and even leap out of the water to consume helicopters. How about that ?? And, if that's not enough of a grab for you, it even stars singing idol Tiffany as the scientist who created these wondrous creatures. Hard to resist, right ?
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Needless to say, her guess is correct. Everything about this film spells greatness to me.
I love the adline: They were created to save mankind. Something went wrong. That's got to suck. Out of the goodness of her heart and with the very best of intentions, yesteryears pop princess Tiffany breeds some giant mutant piranhas to save mankind, and whaddayaknow? Something goes wrong. Bummer.
What did she create them to save mankind from? Other than the general lack of giant, mutant piranhas, of course. I know, I know - exactly: I'll have to see it to find out.
I've done a little research and discovered that the film is a kind of knowing, pastichey sort of a niche-market tv movie, the point of which is to celebrate the implausibilities of the scenario, the limitations of the effects budget and the trashiness of the concept. Not a parody, not some winking, sneering, Zucker Brothers-style hardy-har. Just honest to goodness monster mutant leaping piranha magic that doesn't take itself seriously, because it can't, given the circumstances.
I looked it up on the imdb and found the following review:
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This movie is pure awesomeness! The Piranhas in this movie are the size of whales! They're jumping 1000ft into the air and eating helicopters! They're jumping into buildings and exploding! They can't be killed even with nuclear weapons! (...) I mean what's not to like? Rarely have I ever seen a movie of such quality. I was in pure awe of this awesome spectacle of a movie from beginning to end. How could someone create such an awesome movie? I just couldn't believe the greatness of this movie. It has to be seen to be believed.
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I also read of something similar made by the same team, called Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus which has Debbie Gibson in it! Except she calls herself Deborah Gibson these days. Makes her seem classier, which is always handy when you take a role in a movie called Mega Shark vs Giant Octopus.
Now obviously, this sounds fantastic. Cheapness, trashiness and TVness bothers me not at all. I enjoyed the original Piranha - it had Barbara Steele in it, after all - but I enjoyed the pluralised tv remake with the dark-haired mare from Baywatch much, much more. I loved that Jaws rip-off Tobe Hooper did about a crocodile; Crocodile, I think he called it. I adore those Peter Benchley mini-series The Beast (giant squid) and Creature (hybridised part-human walking sharks). I even enjoyed Beneath Loch Ness. I would have enjoyed Beneath Loch Ness even if Lysette Anthony wasn't in it.
That's how ready I am to see MegaPiranha. I need to see those babies leap out of the sea and bring down copters. I need to see Tiffany as a government scientist.
So tell me, before I splash out on this (it doesn't seem to be cheap anywhere)... Have any of you lot seen it? Is it really everything it promises to be? Could it be, even, without knocking the earth out of orbit through sheer excellentness and superiorosity?
Seriously - I'm THIS close to the edge of wasting money on this thing. Pull me back or push me over... It's up to you...
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POSTSCRIPT: This is the weirdest coincidence in the history of weird coincidences. I've just popped over to Totally Jinxed to get Jinx's view on the matter, expecting her to be particularly on board with the whole Tiffany thing, only to discover that she's just put up a review of a whole bunch of piranha movies she's been watching lately. And MegaPiranha is there. And this is what she has to say:
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Starred Tiffany. That’s all I have to say about that.
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I'm guessing that's a 'no' vote.
10 comments:
Lots and lots of MegaPiranha goodness on youtube - here's the Official Trailer anyway.
We're like soooo in tune!
I did Mega Piranha a disservice in my run down of what I did last week. Although it did indeed star Tiffany. I was right about that. I'm all about Tiffany. I had intended to write a lot more about it at some point so didn't want to spoil it, and I was feeling a little grumpy.
You should absolutely watch it. Especially if you have a few drinks while doing it. Did I mention it stars Tiffany?
Completely forgot I watched Alligator too (which I used to rent obsessively when I was about 10)and I've been trying to find Crocodile 2: Death Roll, but with no luck as yet. I love summer! And Tiffany.
Oh, I want to know what film your friend Corbey switched over to watch. It must have been awesome! I think Corbey sounds awesome.
So far so good. Trailer looks pretty awesome. Hasn't Tiffany filled out?
Jinx - I can tell you what Corbey did next.
Her email continued:
"Reason I stopped watching is that I fancied something a bit more 'dwindling group of people against the odds' style of thing, so went for "The Dark Lurking" instead, which I can't recommend because it just wasn't bad enough to be entertaining."
So now you know.
I'm still not sure why they explode when they hit the buildings.
You know I'm in. Amazon order placed. I would get it on the poster art alone. I'm getting that "classics" tingle!
Knew Corbey was awesome.
They do tend to explode when they hit buildings and they do seem rather keen on hitting buildings which is odd for fish. I like it when they fail to detonate and instead just get wedged in roofs and wiggle.
By the way, thanks for dignifying my half arsed ramblings as 'reviews' that was cool.
I think Debbie ...sorry ... Deborah Gibson is definately winning on hottest ageing 80s popstel stakes, but the pleasantly plump Tiffany is still good.
Mykal: Yeah, full marks for intent if nothing else: about time someone brought back the unpretentious monster movie... only time will tell if this one is too knowing for its own good. Let me know what you make of it.
Jinx - Cool! I vote for Cyndi Lauper in the next one. As a giant ant.
Matthew: I got this film today and watched it straight through, twice. “Unpretentious monster movie” all the damn way and then some. My friend, this is the all time, heavyweight champ of "unpretentious." the magic lies, first and foremost, in the casting: Former teen popster, Tiffany, a few pounds passed her fighting trim (and all the more appealing for it) as a genetics researcher. Barry Williams (of Brady Bunch fame) plays the United States Secretary of State. A "special forces" simply composed of actors that answered a casting call, all sporting differing hairstyles, barking their lines like, you know, military guys. And (this is the magic part) all concerned giving it 110 percent. It's the sincere best effort that makes it worth watching twice. Tiffany is particular is a wonder to behold.
The CGI is pure magic as well. I have never seen worse effects. Ever. I don't think it is possible to produce worse CGI that is in this film.
I can't go into more detail without taking the edge off. Matthew, I am completely confident you will adore this film. Think Lugosi pitching his heart out for Monogram. "Too knowing," you fear? Rest easy. No smart-ass tongue-in-cheek here (God, I hate that). This film goes for the heart of B moviedom with a sincere heart and never looks back.
Sold!
That does it, I'm going in.
Thanks so much, Mykal, for your eloquent summation.
I think I'll try and get the Debbie Gibson octopus one as well and double-bill 'em. Just the thing for these hot Summer evenings wre're starting to get. A pint of gin and tonic and these babies.
Needless to say, I'll be reporting back. Unless the piranhas get me, that is! Oh, I'm so excited I'm like a little boy!
I wish I'd gotten here earlier to weigh in on this question, because I loved this movie. It was absolutely ludicrous in every way, but it made me laugh out loud a lot (and actually made me jump a time or two). I'll be curious to hear your reaction.
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